Is blogging real?

Tractorman

from JoeUser Forums

I’m not psychotic, at least I don’t think so and no one has suggested such recently.

The responses from my last blog, “why do people blog”, has started my wheels turning regarding the nature of the relationships that develop on line (and quite frankly, I didn’t want to title my article something about internet relationships because I could feel everyone yawning).

Ever since I first felt the “internet pull”, the emotional attraction, towards someone I didn’t know-------- (another short digression–this was probably 10 years ago during a visit to a chat room–it was the first time I had ever wandered, or crawled at that time, around the internet. I happened into a short conversation that included someone saying something complimentary to me. Now I wouldn’t consider myself a particularly needy person, so I was shocked at the amount of reciprocal emotion that welled up within me. As I tend to do with most threats to my person and family, I separated myself from the source of this seemingly rogue emotion and stopped doing chat rooms)-------- I have had a negative view toward internet relationships.

As I read through the blogs and replies, I occasionally hear people say that these are not real relationships, or that they are 2 dimensional, or some other reference to the incompleteness of the relationship. It is certainly true that elements of a face to face relationship are missing, however, could it be the case that people are sharing more honestly and openly about their inner thoughts and lives than they would even share with those they are next to? If that’s the case, are the relationships more real, or less real?

You can tell a lot about people by how they look and how they behave----or can you? How many times have you had the experience while you’re talking to a person for the first time in depth, that you have known by name for awhile, “this person is totally different than I thought”. Actually, this works in reverse, too. You begin to form a picture in your mind about what people look like and act like just by hearing their thoughts that they write online. A case in point, what do you think of when you think of Sir Peter Maxwell? Now I understand that there was a point that you all posted pictures of yourselves, which is a cool idea, but short of that, do you see what I mean?

I suppose what I’m really saying is that there are some “unreal” aspects to communicating online, but there are also “unreal” aspects to communicating in person. I’m starting to value seeing the real part online unhindered by my judgmental preconceptions and stereotypes that would be rushing in if I were seeing you all in person.

No offense intended Sir Peter.
blogging
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Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top

Online relationships are false and disfunctional.

What you say is true, that people talk more openly and honestly online.   That can lead to a feeling of bonding with the person.  IN fact thats why I think internet dating (the act of finding a date on the internet) is great, because you get a good head start on knowing what the person is about.  At least better than say meeting them in a bar after a few drinks.  

But the truth is that people, for the most part, do NOT communicate that openly and honestly in person.   This means the personality you come to know online is not the one that their friends and family know.  As a result, the whole situation seems hyper-emotional.....and over dramatization of what is pratical in real life.   A situation so fantastic that it seems to supercede the other relationships in real life, to the point that they cannot possibly compete, or even co-exist.  

IMHO

Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
I was thinking about the same thing the other day.

I was wondering if I'd have given anyone I met here the time of day had I met them on the street or at work. If I had met anyone in 'real time', who would I have connected with the most, and why?
As much as I don't like to admit it, I tend to stereotype people accoprding to their appearance and behaviour - something I'm trying not to do anymore, but a habit I'm finding hard to break.
CursorFX - Customize your Windows cursor
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
"Online relationships are false and disfunctional."

I agree with you Jeremy. The question is whether or not they are more dysfunctional than face to face relationships. I contend that each relationship has its slice of dysfunction, and amazingly they don't overlap. I suppose if you have to have one over the other it would be the face to face (otherwise you could just strap us into a computer chair at birth). That's the only relationship were you have the posibility to not only hear about problems and idiosyncrasies but in a deep way experience them.

Thus, I agree with your comment about getting to know someone online before meeting them, you get a head start for sure.

I think the best case is to be online AND in person. It reminds me of the comment from the last blog I wrote were someone said their husband who is away a lot catches up on what is going on in her life by reading her blogs. Interesting.

T-man
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
That was me...the comment about my husband being gone.

I totally agree about the head-start you get with an on-line relationship. Like I said, I wonder if I'd have even spoken to some of the people I 'speak' to here had I met them in person first.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
I have to say that I totally agree with all of you. And that makes me sad :(

I like your last paragraph the most, tractorman. Yes, online isn't totally real, but neither is real life. We hold way too many prejudgments in our hearts. For instance, if you were to meet me in real life, you would see my lip piercing, my ripped jeans, my wide smile, and my crazy personality. You would think, "This girl smokes weed, is a little too happy, and trys a little too hard." You would never think, "That girl has a close relationship with the Lord."....From appearance anyway...

On Joeuser, people take the time to get to know me. That is why I enjoy it so much.

Trinitie
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
Well I don't agree. JeremyG, your comment was insightful and I rated it thus... but I think that the fact that our first-hand lives lack the expression that we exhibit so freely online is no excuse for disregarding those relationships. Just because running on a trail is easier than running in the woods doesn't mean that running in the woods isn't good for you.

I present the idea that online relationships represent our views of communication in a relationship, and that effective communicators tend to have healthy and productive online relationships, whereas poor communicators fail miserably.

So you see, it's all just on a different scale.

~Dan
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
I present the idea that online relationships represent our views of communication in a relationship, and that effective communicators tend to have healthy and productive online relationships, whereas poor communicators fail miserably


what about people who communicate better in writing than they do speaking?
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
what about people who communicate better in writing than they do speaking?



I think that's a good question.

I suppose online relationships heavily favor people who have more trouble in person than in writing, although that wouldn't necessarily be the case.

T-man
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
"but I think that the fact that our first-hand lives lack the expression that we exhibit so freely online is no excuse for disregarding those relationships"

I agree Dan, but who said anything about disregarding relationships?

T-man
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
Anyone remember letter writing? Not too terribly long ago communication through the written word was commonplace. Is this so different? Ever have a penpal you never met in person?
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
*a thousand hugs for you T-man*-----for saying that no one said anything about disregarding those relationships.

I'm one that has trouble with actual communication (that being talking about relevent things) in real life, and I just need a break from it.

Trinitie
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm braver in writing than in person, but also more rash. For that reason, I've never fully trusted the entity that is my online self.

~Dan
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
my online self has a lot more friends than my real one does... is that bad?

my online self is also a lot more respected than the real one... i'm not really sure what to make of that
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Imajinit, I've noticed that you've begun to act like a sort of dad to everyone, even those older than you....like you enjoy that fact that you're admired. Nothing bad, just an observation. When you say things like you're shy in real life I'm astonished.

Trinitie
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
I've noticed that you've begun to act like a sort of dad to everyone, even those older than you....like you enjoy that fact that you're admired.


damnit! you've found me out! i secretly want to be a father to all of you! especially you Trin... lol

i was just kidding last night when I asked if it was past your bedtime... i'm no-one's father, and have no wish to thought of as such...

and yes, I really am shy in real life... terribly shy in fact... unless someone approaches me first... and asks me to be their daddy
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
:D:D:D:D:D:D;p

Oh my gosh, you make me laugh.

Trinitie
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
Dan - that's funny 'n all, but i'm gonna have to ask you to retract that statement... i really don't need my nickname and pedophile showing up in the same sentence on the internet...

thanks dude
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
Imajinit is not your name.

Trinitie
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
you must have changed it Michael!

Trinitie
Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
"i'm gonna have to ask you to retract that statement"

Consider it retracted, but it's not in my power to remove it.

~Dan
Reply #22 from JoeUser Forums Top
Dan - that's funny 'n all, but i'm gonna have to ask you to retract that statement... i really don't need my nickname and pedophile showing up in the same sentence on the internet...

Glad to remove it.

T-man
Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top
my online self is also a lot more respected than the real one... i'm not really sure what to make of that

I would say that what people see in real life hinders them from getting to know the person those of us online see. This gets back to one of my points in the blog, that there are things in our real relationships that keep people from getting to know what we're like on the inside. Now that you've raised the question, if you are shy in person, but not online, are you a shy person?

T-man
Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top
Wow do I feel old! When I was a freshmen in high school -- before I knew of the internet really -- I wrote letters to a boy going to a different school. We wrote for a year before we'd ever met. We ended up going to the same church and developed a very warm friendship lasting throughout high school and we're still friends. We could even then share more in writing than in person. He told me things his best friends didn't know when we were younger. Likewise here. I don't think the internet changes that. I think I'm as effective as an oral communicator though. (I was a speech comm. minor.) I think that sometimes, online daters are good at keeping it online because their poor oral communicators. That's a bad deal to get mixed with permanently, ya know? At least for me. I love writing letters and emails and do both. I think Dan hit it though, with a good mix of written and personal correspondence being most reliable. I recommend checking out Ronald Reagan's love letter's to Nancy. It's a book called "I love you, Ronnie." Girls, you'll swoon; guys, you'll learn something!

Trin, I'm with you. I really like you online here. I think I'd like you in person too. But I think if we met first, you might see me as "ditzy." The most frequent surface description of me (from people who dont' know me well or long) is "bubbly." I hate that. I translate that to "bubble headed." Those who know me know that its just an energy level I maintain. But it is certainly a bar to a lot of people getting to know me at times. The don't see me as a philisophical, deep thinking, ultra creative person. I dunno. Maybe I come accross as ditzy here too...
Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top
I am a pretty outgoing person in real life, and get along well with people that I meet. I'm not shy at all (except around crushes, but I get past that pretty easily, too, given time.) I feel as comfortable writing as I do talking, but I am better able to articulate myself online. For me it's far easier to plan an article than it is to hold up in a real-life debate. Having that editorial option is more to my advantage as well.