Mr. Mom

from JoeUser Forums

I quite vividly recall the movie "Mr. Mom".  I don't know what it was about it, but I really liked that movie when I was a kid.  I am sure there were things about it I just didn't get, but I thought the scenes of this poor dad trying to figure out how to actually raise his children were hilarious.

Interestingly, in many ways I have become a Mr. Mom.

It isn't because of anything my father did.  Don't take that the wrong way, please.  My dad is amazing, and he was (and continues to be) a fantastic father.  But if my mom suddenly vanished from the picture, well, us kids would have been screwed if my dad would have been the only one there.

To put it into perspective, the few nights I recall my dad being in charge of dinner we had cold cereal.  Ever time.  That isn't bad, I love cereal.  But he just doesn't cook.  He doesn't do laundry, clean, or help get kids ready and off to school.  He does work his butt off every day to provide for the family, he works his butt off so the house and yard look very nice (from the outside), and he certainly was a great father.

I spent plenty of hours helping with those tasks, and learned how to work hard from him.  But I also had plenty of hours to spend with my mom, and we were always very close as well.  I had chores inside the house, helped with the dishes, cleaning, and cooking.  I was fortunate to get a nice balance from both of my parents.

Now, as a husband and father myself, this balance has really paid off.  Of course, with school responsibilities, my wife does more than her fair share of the caring for the kids, cooking, cleaning, etc.   But thanks to what I learned from both my parents I can help out in a pinch.  And we have plenty of pinches.

My wife is very busy in the evenings.  Between her choirs, teaching voice and piano lessons, and being a demonstrator for Stampin' Up, well, she probably has things going on 4-5 nights a week.  Often she will have dinner ready before she gets busy, but I get to help plenty.  And I have to say, I have really got the whole bathe 3 kids, get them in bed, and do the dishes/clean up the kitchen thing down to a science. 

I am certainly not trying to toot my own horn, and I hope it doesn't seem like I am.  But I am saying thanks to my parents for both teaching me how to work, how to help, and how to not be helpless.  So, many nights, I get to be Mr. Mom, and we haven't had any fires or tragedies!

Site Meter
3,271 views 11 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
My dad was totally inept with household stuff too. My mom was in the hospital once when my sister and I were little and we survived on oatmeal, toast, scrambled eggs and chocolate milk. We loved it though. Daddy did absolutely everything different (therefore wrong as far as we were concerned) than mommy did so it was very entertaining for us.

My dad is completely different as a Papa though. Since he is retired and therefore not exhausted whenever he is home, he does some cooking and cleaning and plays with the grandkids like crazy.

My husband rarely ever has occasion to cook or do the cleaning and I prefer it that way since I like things done my way. He is insanely busy with work so it isn't practical for him to take over any of the household stuff anyway. On a couple of occasions, childbirths and broken leg, he had to step up to the plate and did a very good job. He did things his own way and did a good job of it.

I think it is really important for kids to see their parents doing things their own ways. It teaches them that there is no "right" way to do things and that we all have our own way. I think it makes them less intimidated to try new things.

I am teaching my boys how to cook and giving them more responsibilities around the house. I will soon be teaching them about laundry. My 5yr old already likes to help me put stuff in the washer and drier and fold clothes. I don't want them to ever feel like they need someone to take care of them. In the same regard, I would want a daughter to prepare herself to be able to take care of herself financially so she didn't feel she needed a man to take care of her.

BTW, I loved that movie too. The scene where they were playing poker for coupons and were talking about soap operas really cracked me up.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top

My husband rarely ever has occasion to cook or do the cleaning and I prefer it that way since I like things done my way. He is insanely busy with work so it isn't practical for him to take over any of the household stuff anyway.

I hear you there.  I have been fortunate, this last year of medical school has really calmed down (once I finished my ~100 hour weeks while doing my sub-internships) and has allowed me to help out a lot more.  This will certainly change completely once July 1st comes, so I am trying to be as visible and 'there' as I can in the meantime.

Having now listened to Brad on the PowerUser podcast, I can see him being pretty darn hilarious with the kids.

On doing things different wasy, I don't think I had really formed those thoughts, but now that I read them, I can agree completely.  My wife and I have very different ways of getting the kids ready for bed (I am a LOT faster and more businesslike), and it is good for the children to learn that there are more ways to tackle a task.  Thanks for pointing that out Jill.

The Political Machine 2024
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
My folks were pretty much "boys do work outside and girls do housework" kind of people. Us boys did do a lot of dishes and other kitchen duties, but nothing compared to our sister. On the other hand, my sister (finally) will openly admit that she never once mowed a lawn or pruned a fruit tree until she was married and had a home of her own.

Somehow though, she did know how to mow a lawn, and us boys do know how to cook and clean a kitchen. What we learned from our parents was how to work and why we work. From Mom we learned to respect women and the importance of women in our lives. From our Father we learned to work for what we consider important. The most important lesson we learned from our Dad though was to respect our Mom and everything she did (and didn't do) for us.

I think it's tragic that so many kids have to grow up with just a mom or a dad. Bless the single parent's fuzzy little hearts for what they are expected to do, but no one can be both a mother and a father as well as a good mother and a good father.

News flash to the world... Men and Women are different!!! Neither a mother nor a father is more important to a kid, and without both in a kid's life, something will be lacking.

BlueDev, I am glad that your father taught you a lot of good things, but most importantly, I'm glad that he taught you to respect your mother. From what it sounds like, your kids are learning from you to repect their mother also. This is something that should be Job #1 for all fathers.

I know with my kids, we can disagree, argue, and even throw a few good natured insults back and forth, but they also know that they are more than just "in trouble" if they show any amount of disrespect to their mother around me.

I applaud your mother and your father for the lessons they taught you!
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
my father is one of the most amazing men i know. He loved my mother so much that he took me in as his own, adopted me, gave me his name and I have been his forever. He's come a long way... now he can cook a lot although his specialties are grilling and eggs But he can braid hair, tuck us in just right and pray the best prayers. On our birthdays Dad takes out to lunch to the resteraunt of our choice and it's just quality time with dad. He wasn't always good at being around to spend time with us but I can always remember looking forward to the specail lunch with dad. Now I get to have lunch with him every week and when I miss a week I'm always bummed. He does a lot of work aroudn the house. laundry, snowblowing (even though he just likes usign his new tractor) but there is no man greater than my dad and I hope I can marry someone just like him.

Charissa
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Kudos to your parents for teaching the value of hard work...glad that has helped you become a good father.

I loved that movie as a kid, too...I laughed when the young and the restless soap opera entered his dreams, and he found himself in a love triangle. Also, it was funny when he had to buy feminine napkins for his wife at the store, and a price check for them was done over the intercom...

Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top

I quite vividly recall the movie "Mr. Mom". I don't know what it was about it, but I really liked that movie when I was a kid.

I recall seeing it on a cross country flight - for Business!  You make me feel old!

Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
I really need to do a better job of teaching my boys to help around the house. Because face it there will probably be a time in their lives when they don't have a woman to take care of them. I don't want them to be the type of guys who have to move when the bathroom gets too dirty which I honestly talked to some guys who did this.

My dad did cook and clean and do yard work. My husband helps a little but not a lot. I quit a job I had one time because he wouldn't ever feed the boys a meal. He would be like they've been eating all day. They had a bowl of cereal. I even made it easy for him with frozen pizza and ravioli. The only time they would eat a meal is if they went to McDonald's for a hamburger. It drove me crazy. Then he started taking them to McDonald's or Chuck E. Cheese's every Saturday I worked and I decided that I wasn't working just so they could go and have fun without me. lol!
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm of the sort that I'll take over caring for the kids once I come home for work. Especially when they were younger (and homeschooled). Now that we've moved into a school district where we feel comfortable putting our children into school, my wife doesn't have nearly as much to do during the day, so she doesn't need that respite AS MUCH.

I love my kids. I love caring for them. Giving them baths in the evening before bed (the littlest ones at any rate) gives me time to bond some more with them and catch up on what they're doing.

Dinners (and most weekend meals) - I cook them. Why? I enjoy it. Cooking has always been a means of relaxation and unwinding for me. I'll come home and fix dinner and talk to the kids and my wife and just RELAX.

I learned to cook as a survival mechanism - if I wanted to eat most nights (Army brat so Dad was frequently gone 'til late and Mom was/is a school teacher in a system that REQUIRED participation in after school activities by all teachers and didn't get home 'til 7 or 8 on weeknights) my brothers and I had to fix dinner. So, we've managed to become rather good cooks. Surprises a bunch of folks.

I'll cook and clean and even do housework. Why, you ask? Isn't that the wife's job? *ducks the cast iron skillets* In our household, yes, that's the general division of labor. My wife's love language, however, is Acts of Service. I can best show her that I love her (in a way that she'll recognize as love more readily) by doing things, like helping with laundrey, doing dishes, keeping the kids out of her hair so that she can relax for a little while. As as been noted before ... "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

And like BlueDev, I've been accused of being "Mr. Mom" before, inspite of working full time. I don't mind. It shows that others recognize that I'm involved in what's going on with the family and not just a bystander.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think it is really important for kids to see their parents doing things their own ways. It teaches them that there is no "right" way to do things and that we all have our own way. I think it makes them less intimidated to try new things.


Very good.

So, many nights, I get to be Mr. Mom, and we haven't had any fires or tragedies!


Very very good!
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
it is good for the children to learn that there are more ways to tackle a task. Thanks for pointing that out Jill.


My pleasure. Just my take on parenting. And to be truthful, it was hard for me in the beginning to sit back and watch Brad take over and do things differently than I did them. I am a bit of a control freak when it comes to the kids and the house. It is so much better for all of us though. To me, the EASY thing is to do it all myself, as weird as that sounds. The BEST thing is to have Brad do things his way and have the boys find their own ways too.

Neither a mother nor a father is more important to a kid, and without both in a kid's life, something will be lacking.


I just couldn't agree more with this ParaTed.

My wife's love language, however, is Acts of Service


My husband's love language requires different types of acts and services ~wink~. I personally understand both languages
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top

Thanks to all for the responses.

I have to say, parenting is hard work.  I have immense respect for single parents.  I don't know how they do it.  Having both of us there, able to tag-team, well, it just makes it so much easier than I think it would be otherwise.  Being able to trade of sometimes is the only thank that makes it work for us.