Aren't you dead YET???
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JoeUser Forums
My aunt (who is the only mother figure in my life) is dying of lung cancer. Link
By the time most people find out they have lung cancer (because of symptoms), they have about 3-6 months to live. Peter Jennings was diagnosed and died within three months. Once it progresses past being “operable” the survival stats for surviving even one year go way down to almost nil.
My aunt was diagnosed a year and a half ago. By all accounts, statistically and in the opinion of more than five oncologists, she should be long dead.
Right now she takes chemo once every three weeks and then is sick for about 7 days. Her quality of life when she is not ill from chemo is good, I would even say normal. She tires easier, but since she always had an abundance of energy, “easier” means she cleans the whole house in one day instead of cleaning AND mowing the grass all in one.
We go shopping and talk and spend time together and I am so thankful for every moment.
But there are people, friends and family, on the fringe of our inner family who have grown impatient with her survival.
Not consciously, or maliciously, but impatient all the same.
I see it in their faces when she is around. Death is staring them in the eye and while it was sad and inevitable at first, most are decidedly uncomfortable with the constant reminder of mortality.
Her illness is like an albatross around the necks of those who love her…..a dread hiding in our souls waiting to be birthed in mourning. And the longer is stews there, the more we have to think about.
And they are tired of thinking about it. After all what is the acceptable time to wait for the birthing? Are we expected to carry this dread forever? Get on with the birthing, bring on the mourning! (Something I can almost hear echoing in the wind when they do come around.)
Instead of considering her feelings on the matter, it is now all about the individual. Her friends don’t come round to visit or offer help as much. Her very best friend deserted her all together. She told people, “I just can’t stand to watch her die. It is killing me.”
Yeah right. She’s not even “sick” yet.
I could understand the hesitancy people now show to be around if she was a whiner. But to this day, she does not complain about chemo. Until she lost her hair, most friends and family didn’t even know about the darkness in her lungs claiming her life.
She insists on driving herself to and from chemo appointments, and makes sure to schedule things around her sick days so no one is inconvenienced. She only goes out when she is feeling strong so no one will see her looking “sickly.” She hates sympathy of any kind.
She really despises people who use her illness as a catalyst for receiving sympathy for themselves. She says, “By hell I don’t want someone using me to get sympathy for themselves when I don’t even feel sorry for myself!”
She is a fighter, and so far this cancer is seeing the brunt end of her hillbilly will.
I wonder how long she will fight it off before it spreads and devours her insides. I wonder if she lives another year or two if there will even be anyone left besides the inner family who cares.
Yes, I know from experience, it is hard to watch someone die. People have daily lives and death is a pretty heavy subject to deal with every day. But she does it with grace, so the least we can do is honor her will. At the very minimum, those who claim to love her should not have this question in their eyes.……
“Aren’t you dead yet?”
By the time most people find out they have lung cancer (because of symptoms), they have about 3-6 months to live. Peter Jennings was diagnosed and died within three months. Once it progresses past being “operable” the survival stats for surviving even one year go way down to almost nil.
My aunt was diagnosed a year and a half ago. By all accounts, statistically and in the opinion of more than five oncologists, she should be long dead.
Right now she takes chemo once every three weeks and then is sick for about 7 days. Her quality of life when she is not ill from chemo is good, I would even say normal. She tires easier, but since she always had an abundance of energy, “easier” means she cleans the whole house in one day instead of cleaning AND mowing the grass all in one.
We go shopping and talk and spend time together and I am so thankful for every moment.
But there are people, friends and family, on the fringe of our inner family who have grown impatient with her survival.
Not consciously, or maliciously, but impatient all the same.
I see it in their faces when she is around. Death is staring them in the eye and while it was sad and inevitable at first, most are decidedly uncomfortable with the constant reminder of mortality.
Her illness is like an albatross around the necks of those who love her…..a dread hiding in our souls waiting to be birthed in mourning. And the longer is stews there, the more we have to think about.
And they are tired of thinking about it. After all what is the acceptable time to wait for the birthing? Are we expected to carry this dread forever? Get on with the birthing, bring on the mourning! (Something I can almost hear echoing in the wind when they do come around.)
Instead of considering her feelings on the matter, it is now all about the individual. Her friends don’t come round to visit or offer help as much. Her very best friend deserted her all together. She told people, “I just can’t stand to watch her die. It is killing me.”
Yeah right. She’s not even “sick” yet.
I could understand the hesitancy people now show to be around if she was a whiner. But to this day, she does not complain about chemo. Until she lost her hair, most friends and family didn’t even know about the darkness in her lungs claiming her life.
She insists on driving herself to and from chemo appointments, and makes sure to schedule things around her sick days so no one is inconvenienced. She only goes out when she is feeling strong so no one will see her looking “sickly.” She hates sympathy of any kind.
She really despises people who use her illness as a catalyst for receiving sympathy for themselves. She says, “By hell I don’t want someone using me to get sympathy for themselves when I don’t even feel sorry for myself!”
She is a fighter, and so far this cancer is seeing the brunt end of her hillbilly will.
I wonder how long she will fight it off before it spreads and devours her insides. I wonder if she lives another year or two if there will even be anyone left besides the inner family who cares.
Yes, I know from experience, it is hard to watch someone die. People have daily lives and death is a pretty heavy subject to deal with every day. But she does it with grace, so the least we can do is honor her will. At the very minimum, those who claim to love her should not have this question in their eyes.……
“Aren’t you dead yet?”
