The true rules of success in blogging:
# No name calling. Not even if they deserve it.
Wrong. The proper response is always to call a name. Then get on with your rebuttal of their insipid stupidity. But you've got to get your point across to the idiots of the internet with some unfriendly language. It's the only way to do it with these tools.
# If you do have to call someone something, use references to make sure it does not have any worse meanings than what you wish to imply.
Also wrong. Make your name calling as acerbic, mean-spirited, and full of implied meanings to make them think it's the worst possible thing you could have called them. (That is, if they have the mental capacities to see that implication - usually they don't.)
# Don't start flame wars, nor carry them on. You may mediate them, though. It's unlikely you'll get anywhere.
You want to be a popular blogger? Flame like your name depends on it. Make sure you keep within the ToU (which are really quite loose on JU) and flame away. My highest-rated and most read articles are usually the flamers or ones where I'm pretending to flame someone.
# Most people, once anonymous, say whatever they think. Do not attack them solely for this.
Why not? Attack away - it makes life more fun.
# Keep your language clean. It's a major problem, and makes you look like a barbarian. Seriously, you don't have to swear if you can think before you post.
Some people deserve the decency of clean language. Most people don't. In fact, most of the cretins on this grand, wide internet won't understand you unless you throw at least a few 'damn's and 'hell's in there.
# Accept any criticism for face value. Do not retaliate.
Wrong. Criticism is a great reason to start a flame war. So start one. Proliferation is key.
# Do not say anything to start a flame war. You will annoy somebody by directly attacking them.
See the last one. Flame on, Johnny Storm. Flame the hells on.
# If you keep your own site, remain impartial to your users.
Nope. If all you're doing is sticking to your own site, rule that sucker like the freakin' thought police if you feel so inclined. Just don't be surprised when people do the same to you on their threads.
# The same runs true for blogs and forums. Be fair. Though odds are if you're new, you will have no problem here.
Fairness doesn't exist. 'Fair' is completely relative. What may seem fair to you seems awfully one-sided to me, and my version of fair you would see as twisted.
# Take any advice, they're just trying to help you out.
Take their advice and tell them to shove it up a certain orifice down south. (Unless you're Lucas, of course. You go ahead and listen to our advice, stupid.)
And that's how you really survive in the internet. Screw everyone and don't feel bad about it.
